Grief and happiness..can they co-exist or are they considered mutually exclusive? I have been pondering this question for awhile now and still have not come to a definite decision. And does the grief one feels after a loved one passes away differ from the grief one feels when a loved one voluntarily leaves one's life forever? And how is it possible to be happy with life and grateful for all the blessings one has received yet, still have these feelings of overwhelming sadness and loss?
I have experienced an amazing and wonderful 'shift' that at 52 years old, I would never have thought possible. It began when I lost my only sister who was also my best friend to leukemia in 2002. She was the one person in my life that I could count on, no matter what and it was one of the most heart-rending experiences I have ever had to go through. The grief I felt consumed me so completely that I believed I could never be truly happy again. That was the beginning of my 'search', of what I wasn't sure, but I now know was a search for Me and to help re-establish my relationship with Creator/God/Source and therein I found my happiness. So from this devastating loss something wonderful emerged.
In the middle of this seven-year span, my relationship with my oldest daughter deteriated but I never thought it was beyond repair. I am not going into the details here as I refuse to give them any more energy but in a nutshell, I offered some advice that was unlooked for. It wasn't the smartest thing I ever did but it was offered from a place of total love, and at that time, I thought I was doing the right thing. That was almost 5 years ago and she has not spoken to me since.
Having all these feelings of happiness and joy I decided now would be a good time to reconcile with her and live life happily ever after. So, filled with only positive feelings of love and joy and togetherness, I asked my youngest daughter to find out if she would be interested in a reconciliation. The answer as you have probably guessed was 'No' and upon hearing it, that overwhelming sadness and sense of loss that I had thought gone forever returned.
And so here I am, happy and in love with life, finally feeling my bliss and feeling so blessed and yet, also feeling this overwhelming sadness when I think of never talking to my beautiful, amazing daughter ever again. So I guess grief and happiness aren't mutually exclusive.... that is one question answered..... kind of.
And is the grief you feel the same no matter if the person has crossed over or just cut the ties...well I am still figuring that one out. I still miss my sister's physical presence a lot but I know she would be here if she could and I am okay with that. My daughter has consciously made the decision that she does not want to be in my life so not only do I have to work through the grief of losing her, I have to deal with the tremendous hurt of knowing that it was her choice...which is much worse....another question answered...kind of.
How is it possible to be so happy yet so sad....even after reading and studying all of the 'spiritual' books, I really don't know....but I am extremely grateful that I am where I am right now because if the happiness wasn't there, I am not sure how I would cope. And for that reason alone I am truly blessed.
